KIDSSSS...

Kids . . .

are more than just what you see in them

they make you laugh as well as cry

they can teach you the most valuable lessons of all

they are the best to have when you think of changing who you are to the better

they can discipline you more than you can ever imagine

more lovingly than you will deal with them

yes, kids....

I LOVE THEM.

Facing Up to the challenges of life

There are so many challenges that we face each day. Sometimes, these challenges are everyday decisions that you have to make thus seems so normal. But, there are other challenges that would really make us feel so alone, so small and so useless. Yet, we are more than conquerors.

AS WE CONTINUE TO BATTLE THESE CHALLENGES, LET US NOT FORGET THAT GOD IS OUR STRENGTH.

The best men in the Philippines

Leonard Woods, a governor general of the Philippines during the American regime once said, "The best men in the Philippines are the women." Absurd for someone who would take the words literally but as i continue to ponder on it, i know, i agree with him.

I grew up in a family with my mother as my mother and my father. She raised us up as normal kids and was even able to send us to school given the very limited resources that she had. And the man of the family - our father - he was somewhere making another family which will later on be under my mom's care. He died leaving nothing for his children even the children he bore down in Mindanao.

When i married, my husband had to go abroad to find work as a factory worker though he had been one of the best student teachers during our time. He abhorred doing the papers and so he went. I was left with a girl barely two years old and i was pregnant with our second. For most of my married years, i was alone raising my kids though of course, he usually sent financial support.

I hated it at first. I would terribly miss him and my only consolation was having my kids around to distract me from falling into a great depression. But, i also learned to depend on myself. I learned to stand on my own and not depend on a husband who may not be around to hammer the nail or even to carry bed. I may be a woman but i can also do the work of a man.

Yet, while i was glowing in my achievements as a man and a woman of the house, i forgot that my husband is but a man in need. Until one day when i came to realize that he was calling less and less until less is never even for about two or more months. I contained myself and prayed that things will be fine and things will go back to normal. But then, what is normal to us may not be normal to others. Yes, a normal family would come together in the morning for breakfast and in the evening for dinner but we never did that.

Until last night.... I was about to go to bed when a sudden realization slapped me right in the face. I was in Grade III when my father left us. My daughter is in Grade III now. Will it be history repeating itself? At least for me before, it was a great relief when my father finally went coz my mom can now lay down to rest at night not afraid of somebody waking her up with a punch in the wee hours of the morning. However, how about my daughter and my son? They can't say it's a relief. Even if their father had not been a physically present father, they have been in touch with each other so much so that i know they are hurt more than i am.

However, i am still one of the best men in the Philippines. Women can stand up and still prioritize their children more than their hurt. Yes, that is why they are the best men - an example of strong faith, muscled responsibility, cushioned comfort and so on. They don't just rely on tomorrow, they work for tomorrow whether the man of the house is present or not.

This then is a call for the women left by their men - BE A MAN. Tomorrow is a better day.

Life is death and death is life

The past year had been a year of deaths that touched me not only outwardly. In February, my cousin died of cancer in Bicol. I had to leave my student attending the National Schools Press Conference in Baguio just to attend to attend the burial in Daet, Camarines Norte. That was my first time to go to Bicol - but what a reason to visit. We really thought of visiting him during the summer but he did not wait for us.

By the end of August, my father was murdered and robbed in Masbate. I was not really emotionally affected by his death since he left us since we were children. But, i was horrified by the way he was murdered. He was hog tied then was hurt with a pointed knife, afterwhich, he was shot in the eye. He did not die because he was shot but he died because of bleeding and because nobody took the heart to help him.

By the end of September, another woman in my life bade farewell. I had been planning to visit her but the short span of time i spent in baguio never allowed me to do so. i was so sorry when i learned that aunt rhoda bondad died. in a way, she had been a mother to me since she had been helping my mom in so many ways especially financial when we were still going to school.

Then another tragedy happened again in November. Another father to me died. Uncle Francis Buyagan who rode the Besao jeepney from Bontoc died on arrival at the Bontoc General Hospital when the jeepney they are riding fell upon a ravine along the Pegew Road. Whoever will see where they fell cannot truly explain what happened. There were other eight people who died either on the spot or in the hospital and one died later this january.

December did not leave us with no death. My cousin, the last first cousin i have in my father's side, died due to internal bleeding. We just reached Baguio to attend a cousin's wedding when the news reached us so the next day, we came back straight home. Good, we had a free ride from Baguio. We buried my cousin, Dante Degyawi, the brother of my cousin who died last February on December 31.

Then the tragic news of our batchmate zennia aguilan was heard. of all people, she was killed by a stray bullet when guards were trying to block the suicide bombers who were entering the serena hotel she was working at afghanistan. what a tragic way to die. she died so far from us. but i hope it will not just end as a death but i hope it will further bring us to realize the extent of the terrorism. she was the first death victim due to terrorism in Sagada, Mountain Province and in CAR.

Just after the fiesta, we were taken aback by the news that one of our students who had been missing for two weeks was found rotting already in "Baw-eng." We passed by Baw-eng last fiesta and sometimes a smell would overwhelm us but it never occurred to us that smell is a rotting body. He was directly brought to the cemetery. Whether it was really suicide or with a foul play, it is still to be investigated.

I hope March will come and go without any other unnatural deaths. My heart is already stoned with so many deaths that i don't know now what to expect. But life is here to be lived - let us live it always ready for the sting of death knowing that death is a door opened for us to enter heaven.

But, just as the sun comes up after it sets so will life sprout after death.

Righting the wrong of the generation you preceded

Finding a dad and losing him again

The call came when i was too busy preparing for a seminar-workshop we will handle the next day (Saturday). My dad's dead? The stocky man i've known as my dad is dead, one that i never really came to know much since he left us when i was just about 10 years old. The way he died is not clear. There were just some mention of gunshot but the other things were fuzzy.

I left everything, went to the bank and took the last trip to baguio from bontoc. I planned to take my brother Chris or Mng. Ming to accompany me so we could reach Masbate earlier especially so that there was no one in there to check on what's going on. But,Chris was nowhere and Mng. ming has to do some emergency arrangements in his work place. So, we got a van that took 11 of us (Uncle Ab, Mama, Mng Ming, Mng Med, Gaud, Chris, Uncle Tanong, Uncle Esteron, Uncle Gol, Lolo Baclangen and I) to Daet, Camarines norte to pick Uncle Felix Degyawi. From Daet, we proceeded to Legazpi City where we spent the night in Camp Ola as visitors of Inspector Arauco, a batchmate of Uncle Gol.

At 3:00 AM we drove to Pilar, Sorsogon where we took the 5:30 trip to Aroroy, Masbate. The trip was uneventful except that my eyes got blurry - sore eyes which i might have caught from Km 3 from my cousins who were suffering such. Well, the flying fishes were a beautiful sight to behold everytime they spread their wings and fly.

We reached Goldbug Syndicate (even the name has a sinister sound) after about 20 minutes ride on tricycle. There i saw my pa in his coffin. though he left us when we were still kids, still his dying seems to break my heart. Not that he died, but the way he died. He was a victim of hold-up. They tied his hand at his back, and maybe to get information from him had to knife his chest with x's until he gave up and showed them where he kept his money. But, they did not spare him and so they shot him on his eyebrow and the bullet passed through his cheek. It really made me cry to think that people would do anything just for a small amount of money.

When i sat down and talked with the people i found out another side of our dad, he at least at the very least had done something good before his death. He has a neighbor named Walter Bagtang, who had been crippled for about 8-9 years already who testified that it was dad who helped feed him in all his years there since he was crippled since he cannot do much work. Another family who lives on the other room testified that he also helped his children. And, he tried his best to help one man who was returned to his family after he cannot work anymore. It makes me happy to think that really even if he did not feed us or let's say he was afraid to feed us before so he left us, he at least did something good for others.

One thing more, accordingly, he was planning to come home so he was keeping his money. But, home to him was not with us anymore but somewhere beyond what eyes can see.

When i was working for his death certificate, i chanced on someone named Bella who was also taking the birth certificates of her children. Why? so they could leave the place.... Almost everybody in the place is afraid. In fact as one confided, or when night time comes, she does not feel at ease and she's so afraid that she is always shivering of fright; another confided that she goes to sleep with other neighbors at night. It was made so clear when it was still five o'clock but my companions who went down to town were so afraid that even if it is only 20 minutes from town to goldbug, we already need to go home.

But, i also found out that the perpetrators are being cuddled by a stronger force that it is hard to pin them down. The neighbors cannot even open their mouth to tell what they know to the police and the police easily accepted reasons as they were dead drunk and that they did not hear anything. Knowing the place of the crime, it is really hard to believe their alibi but the police just accepted it as is. The people are so afraid but the witnesses are even more afraid to testify.

The only witness who was not so afraid to testify was one who was not really from the place, Walter. But, Walter cannot just testify there and though he gave leads as the last words of my dad before his death, he did not give it in full - he ommitted the name knowing that it will be too dangerous for all of us if he will tell the name. So, it was only after we were already on our way (we have to bring him with us coz we know that if we will leave him there, they will kill him), he told us the full words which are, "Minye, akala ko ba magkakapatid tayo?" The full impact even caught us by surprise coz Minye, whose full name is Herminio Abunda, is the kagawad who tried helping us. He was there trying to help but i found out that his aim was not really to help but to make sure that his plot will work according to his direction. It's so frustrating.

My pa's case is not the first but no one was ever caught. Will it be the last? We were thinking of filing a case but will it be worth it? As of now, we are still on the process of contemplating our next action.

Why on earth am i teaching???

I entered college at a time when most high school graduates were lured into the medical professions as Physical Therapists and Nursing. I always remembered one of my teachers who asked me why I did not also take up Physical Therapy or Nursing.
Looking back, I have several reasons for taking up Teaching though it was not my first love until the last months of my fourth year class in high school.
First, I came from a “hand-to-mouth” family with my mom as the only one fending for us. Without a dad to help my mom in raising us and with seven children in the family, we learned to help our mom in all ways we can. Of course, one thing is always to consider our financial situation and to look after our means in making decisions. I enjoyed a scholarship when I was in college but all the expenses a “pensionada” incurs will greatly bury my mom in debt if I would have chosen courses out of my mom’s financial economic range.
At first, I enrolled at a private school where I needed a ride or two to reach. I computed how much I am spending and so for the second semester of my first year in college, I transferred to Benguet State University and opted to stay at the dormitory. At that time, the dormitory was not a first rate choice to us who came from Sagada since they would rather prefer to stay at boarding houses. I think with all those who stayed in the dormitory, I was the only one who came from our town who was able to endure for three years. But, I considered it as my way of helping my mom.
Moreover, when I came to the city, I entered it with guts. I did not ask my mom to come with me for I know that it will mean more spending for her yet she could use the money for more useful things like buying my other brother and sisters’ needs. So, I employed the help of one senior student of the private school where I first enrolled to help me. I did not even know what course I am really to take, if it is Elementary or Secondary Education. It makes me laugh to recall that we enrolled in Elementary Education without me taking its full implication. But, when I transferred, I had to fend for myself again and single-handedly worked on all necessary papers for my transfer. Sometimes, when my classmates asked me how I transferred, I cannot even tell them in detail since when I did it, I was so engrossed with all the necessary papers that I did not even have time to reflect on what I was doing. I also shifted from Elementary Education to Secondary when I transferred to BSU.
Secondly, I found out that teaching is one way of molding the younger generation. I started teaching Sunday School for Children when I was in high school. And, I am so thrilled to see their reactions to whatever we are discussing. Moreover, I had smaller brothers and sisters (I am the third of the seven brood.) whom I always teach.
Thirdly, I have a goal. The goal was to finish my studies at the appointed time and help my mom with my brothers and sisters. I know she is hard-up but I never heard or saw her complain. That goal to finish in time drove me to take teaching since I believe that I can finish it in time unlike when I take other courses such as Accounting.
Fourthly, I came to admire the potentials of each person. I found out that each one has his own potentials and the teacher is always the one who is able to bring out such potential in any person. He/she has the power which he/she does not even know of. Proof? I had some teachers in high school and elementary who were able to influence me without even telling me to take up education. I remember one batch of graduates we had. I always admonish them in jest never to take up teaching if they believe that “what they are doing will come back to them.” They were not really a “naughty” batch but they were full of pranks. I considered them my “sons and daughters” for most of them had belonged to my advisory class from first to third year and all them in fourth year. However, I found out that many of them took teaching. And, to top it all, two of them came back to our school to teach. So, I asked them in jest why they took teaching after all that I told them, and they said, “Well, there was somebody who told us not to take teaching in high school but unknowingly, that somebody did the other way around for she inspired us to take it.”
Fifth, I never really understood why they always say that teaching is such a noble profession until I entered it but at that time I knew no other way to be noble (He He). However, I could say that those words did their magic before so I enrolled and learned to love the noblest profession of all – teaching.
There are more reasons, but as of now, I can say that those are the most influential reasons to me.